It usually is not that much of a contradiction when you feel good at day, but comes the night you feel disheartened and vice-versa. Being moody is completely normal yet irritating. Intriguing, yet repulsive.
There is not any particular reason as to pinpoint why, how or when this fluctuation strikes you. It just does. And when it does, I often tend to sulk into it. I give it unwordly reasons to legitimize its existence in me. Again the actual mood change reasons are still unknown. But the fact that it lives in me can mean two things. Either I am a pessimist and I just prefer to live in solemnity and loneliness, or I just do not have the power to fight it off, which technically drives me to the same conclusion. Reality.
It does not ring the bell or knock the door. It does not call before coming or whatsapp you to meet it. It practically has the key to your bathroom door. It literally does. You cannot stop it from welcoming you in its embrace. You cannot tell it to not to speak to you again. It is a permanent ghost inside us all. It just times its appearance to you. SURPRISE.
We all love surprises in one way or another. Birthdays, celebrations, parties, gifts, etc,.. But when reality surprises you with the loss of someone close. Or a person you care about does not care back anymore. The fact that you have to be at times diplomatic in your behaviour, yet from the inside you are on fire. Getting bad marks on your exams. Not tolerating even your own parents. You just cannot escape its claws. You just cannot design your own reality. Even if you do, it will find its way back to you.
So imagine if you are just laying in bed, reading a book, getting comfy and being really relaxed and enjoying the moment. Not thinking of what is going to happen next. Not realizing that something bad might happen to you or anybody within the vicinity. The agony of it that you do not perceive it before it occurs. You cannot expect what is going to take place next.
This is not a bout to argue in existentialist themes. And this is definetely not an attempt to channel through my inner reclusive pessimist. You cannot control it. You can sleep one night happy and be excitingly overwhelmed by something. The next day you just do not feel like getting out of bed. You keep asking yourself why is that, but you get no answer back. You can however try to shake it off. Call a friend, read a book, watch your favorite sitcom, listen to music, or just be with someone you love or appreciate his/her company. Although in general it has a short-term effect, results may vary.
Anyways, I am not the kind of man who belittles the power of happiness. I am not the one who discourages people around me, I am in fact the opposite. At least I like to think that way. What drove me to write this in the first place was that if I had something that might affect me negatively, I write it down. What made me share it, was that even if any of you felt like that somehow, and I am sure you did, do not ignore it. Do not over-analyze it though. You just have to acknowledge the fact that reality can bite. But it is not posionous. It is in the end liveable.
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