The thing is I am never alone. Not without my fear. Not without a luring shadow attracting me to the dark. I’m never without that menacing voice in my head grabbing me by the neck, driving me by an insane and manic speed.
I’m never feeling any distinguishable light. There is no
discernable exit from this puzzled existence. I can be at times
claustrophobically-driven in my thoughts, if that is even a word. I’m even not
entitled to describe myself as a well-brought up human being because I cannot
differentiate between who I am and who I could be.
If I was asked a year ago where I could be in a year, I
would have responded with a chuckle. A chuckle that would seem to the inquisitor that
I am filled with hopes and dreams. To me, that chuckle is dangerous. It means
that there is no knowledge within my mind as to where I can possibly be in a year. I don’t even know where I am now. I don’t know how I even got here.
But to me, it is part of being an idiotically idealistic
person. How could I possibly know where I could be in a year or even a day? I
enter the bathroom meditating on some thought. I get out thinking an entirely
different one, mainly because I had already forgotten about the first one. You
can’t even ask that question. It is not within any logical realm.
Whatever you may have that I do not have does not make me
less important. In fact, it makes you more responsible. And with responsibility
comes burdens. In essence, I am carrying a lighter weight than you do. Thoughts
are the same. If you are mentally occupied by a certain idea, it will drive you
crazy to the core. But if you are empty from the inside, like me, you won’t be
having any trouble. The trouble you will be facing is society. Society orders
you to be shaped into a certain form, which is illogical, yet necessary. See
the thing is, if you do not obey society, society will disavow you. You will be
the outcast. You will be shamefully painted as an unwelcomed guest who had
overstayed his visit. That is a true fact!
Besides, who cares if I can be shaped into a form that is
required by society? Haven’t you heard of that saying that goes like “No
Man Is An Island”? Well I am
sorry to disappoint you. Man is certainly an island. He is an island of
thoughts. An island of senses and feelings. An island of peace and perspective.
An island that firmly stands alone by itself. So in retrospect, man can only be
with another man only if their ideals and thoughts meet together. You can never
force someone to be with another man unless they are compatible in a lot of
humanistic themes and standards. Accordingly, let me introduce to you the
modified version of the aforementioned saying. “Men Are Archipelagos”.
Archipelagos are chains of islands collected next to each other, whereas men
are defined by who they personally are, then by who they are with; not the other
way around.
The result is you will be under the microscope for being
defiant. But that’s okay. You will have your moments of declared defeat and you
will choose to cower in and start going with the flow. You have to. That’s
life! If you do not go with the flow, they will attack. If you go with the
flow, others will attack. It is complicated. You just cannot satisfy everyone,
which will mesmerize you all the more because you will always seek to fill that
non-existent gap of always demanding people’s attention. But then you will
decide to haplessly sooth yourself by admitting to yourself that one’s self is
what is important and it is beneficial for you to pursue your own thoughts. At
that point you will reach a crossroads. Which way will you go? Droit ou
Gauche?! Food for thought!
So what can you do when you are faced with that futuristic
question? Do you know how, why and what will you be in a year? You do not. You
can however set a goal for yourself and strive for it. You may or may not reach
it, but at least you gave it your all.
The last paragraph was pretty lame wasn’t it? Some sort of
pep talk you hear from your mother or your father on a daily basis. Honey,
you have to set a goal for yourself in order to become successful and make us
proud of you. Let me strike upon you some realistic facts. Set a goal. Don’t
set a goal. You think your parents or friends would care if you succeed or not?
Of course they would. But they will get over it. They might get suicidal or
negligent. But hey, you did what you wanted right? NO!!
You do not do it for them. You do not maintain an image of
yourself you have been keeping for the past twenty odd years just so you not to
piss them off. Piss them off. Fight. Agitate them. Face them off. Be scared from yourself. Decide that
you do not want to decide. It is a decision that you have to live and deal
with. Be able to do it now against others before you have to face your immortal
enemy, that one that’s inside you. I know I know, again with the clichés. But clichés
are there for a reason. They are here to represent common occurrences that we all face regularly.
So zip it!
Bellowing beneath that calm body you have is another person
that is waiting to depart that box that is embodying it. Let’s call it “The
Refuge”. Now the Refuge can take off at any given second. This can be caused by
societal pressure, peer pressure, anxiety, illness, relationships, love and so
on. Find whichever trigger, whichever catalyst you have to nudge that Refuge
inside you. I might not know all of you who are reading that post. You might be
friends. You might be past acquaintances. You might be distant online peers.
But if you are still reading the post, by now it is safe to think that you are intrigued by the prospect that makes you think: “Yeah, I do want to change a couple of things inside
me.” And I kid you not, obviously so do I.
It is Aching.. Lamenting.. Waiting..
Regardless of what you think of me by now, you have to ask
yourself this question. Can I apply what was written on me, or was it just some rants that are posted and that’s it?
Looming behind that question is either an angel or a devil.
It only depends on your answer.
No comments:
Post a Comment