Just Another Life: A Short Story

And he died a miserable and lonely death…

He was not known at all. At least from the inside. Most of his acquaintances are friends that only knew him from his physical features and what he allowed from his ideas and thoughts to be conveyed from his head. Greatly misunderstood, seldom dealt with. He was your typical outcast.

He was known amongst his family and friends as “The Foreigner”. He roamed around with his mind when he was joined by his fellows and peers. They talked about sex, football, women, sex and stuff. He listened, did not interact though. He supported the motto of “Friends” in general, yet he did not fully succumb to it in his daily life.

The need to his friends was minimal, yet required. What he needed was a sense of reality. A sense of salvation. A sense of approachability. A sense of attention perhaps.

A main thing in his daily routine was him entering the bathroom in the morning, or at night, or when he wakes up at any time of the day. He enters the bathroom, closes the door, feels his belly button and begins his day. He would stroke his stomach’s hair and look at them as if they are aliens or unknown objects. He would then, almost automatically, look at the mirror, yet he does not look at it for long, not yet at least. He finishes his daily homework, then the contemplation begins.

“What am I to this universe?” He would ask himself, while sitting on his thinking chair, i.e. the toilet seat. A pretty weightless question when uttered, yet to him it meant something more than that. He was not one of those goal-driven individuals who thrived for success. Being successful and having a meaningful life are two different concepts that are usually mixed and understood as the same; at least that was what he thought.

“What am I to this universe?” That particular question has a snowball effect on him. Rather, a domino effect in his case, as it all tumbles down to a non-existent answer to that demonic question.

“What am I to this world?” It starts now. The unfulfilling, undesirable and untimely feeling of all. Making sense of things was not one of his strongest traits, nor was his sense of self-worthiness. But Alas, it is a rollercoaster. He had to go through it whether he liked it or not. He must, or else why does he live?

“What am I to my country?” He made progress. He went on to the next level. He was ACTUALLY making progress. Non-materialistic progress at that, still felt and to some extent realized. Why would I make progress? He asked himself over and over. I will die anyways, he would fantasize, thinking of the unthinkable.

“What am I to my family?” As you can see, it is starting to get more and more personal. Not because he thought of his family. But because he knew where this is all was going. Where this has led him to daily battles against his inner devils. Where this has led him to that final and most cathartic yet surprisingly relieving question of all.

“WHAT AM I TO MYSELF?”

I am nothing. I am nobody. I am non-existent. I am null.

Negative thoughts perhaps. But when he gets out of the bathroom, he relived them again, but with a clearer mind. It does not necessarily subtract from his bathroom experience to think with a clear mind. On the contrary. It adds to its negativity.

It was like a train. Stopping at stations. Passengers coming in, passengers coming out. The train is the same. The driver is the same.

Regardless of what he thought of himself as a person; or rather as an entity, he managed to get through the day. As much hate he  had towards himself or disdain towards his surroundings, he did not overreact or tried to project those thoughts in any physical way. For example he did not cut himself or hurt anybody. At least what we know of.

He was sullen, observing, quiet and detached. It did not get him in a lot of trouble. Though he had to answer to some inquisitive remarks said to him by his friends. Remarks such as “Why don’t you go out with us?” and “What is it with you and loneliness?” His answer was simple and concise at all times. “I just prefer to be left alone.”

Granted, it might have rubbed his friends and peers in the wrong way, yet they were always subconsciously attracted to him. They did not perceive him as repulsive or unwanted; rather, as different. They respected his privacy and knew whenever he wanted to climb out of his reclusive cave, eventually he will. And he did on several occasions. Occasions which affirmed and cemented their belief in him as “One of them.”

At one occasion there was this girl he knew from class, just on a superficial level. They only knew each other’s names and spoke briefly and they both forgot about that conversation they had. He saw her walking down the other side of a street by herself. He acknowledged her presence and waved at her. Something difficult for him to have done. But he did. She was on the verge of waving back, but she failed. Not because she did not like him, but because she was being harassed by a guy. Almost instinctively, he went to them and it is safe to say without getting into much detail, he was more than capable of handling a fight. The harasser went on his miserable way and left the girl alone. With our guy. They talked again, only this time a bit longer. He walked her home and she thanked him with a kiss on his cheek.

Other guys would have thought that kiss to be the first cornerstone of something romantic to come between them. He on the other hand did not. He just felt recognition and attention. He did not act upon it. He never did in his life.

Young, different, detached, aloof. Those are the traits that are remembered by anybody who knew him. His inheritance so to speak. Someone who, in one way or another, made a difference in their lives. Not a physical one perhaps, but at least he did something that will be stuck in their heads.

If people were granted the power of consciousness while they are dead, he would have been one of the first people to use it.

His first thoughts in his grave would have been: “I WISH I COULD CHANGE THE LIFE I LIVED.”

The Ultimatum of Reality

It usually is not that much of a contradiction when you feel good at day, but comes the night you feel disheartened and vice-versa. Being moody is completely normal yet irritating. Intriguing, yet repulsive.

There is not any particular reason as to pinpoint why, how or when this fluctuation strikes you. It just does. And when it does, I often tend to sulk into it. I give it unwordly reasons to legitimize its existence in me. Again the actual mood change reasons are still unknown. But the fact that it lives in me can mean two things. Either I am a pessimist and I just prefer to live in solemnity and loneliness, or I just do not have the power to fight it off, which technically drives me to the same conclusion. Reality.

It does not ring the bell or knock the door. It does not call before coming or whatsapp you to meet it. It practically has the key to your bathroom door. It literally does. You cannot stop it from welcoming you in its embrace. You cannot tell it to not to speak to you again. It is a permanent ghost inside us all. It just times its appearance to you. SURPRISE.

We all love surprises in one way or another. Birthdays, celebrations, parties, gifts, etc,.. But when reality surprises you with the loss of someone close. Or a person you care about does not care back anymore. The fact that you have to be at times diplomatic in your behaviour, yet from the inside you are on fire. Getting bad marks on your exams. Not tolerating even your own parents. You just cannot escape its claws. You just cannot design your own reality. Even if you do, it will find its way back to you.

So imagine if you are just laying in bed, reading a book, getting comfy and being really relaxed and enjoying the moment. Not thinking of what is going to happen next. Not realizing that something bad might happen to you or anybody within the vicinity. The agony of it that you do not perceive it before it occurs. You cannot expect what is going to take place next.

This is not a bout to argue in existentialist themes. And this is definetely not an attempt to channel through my inner reclusive pessimist. You cannot control it. You can sleep one night happy and  be excitingly overwhelmed by something. The next day you just do not feel like getting out of bed. You keep asking yourself why is that, but you get no answer back. You can however try to shake it off. Call a friend, read a book, watch your favorite sitcom, listen to music, or just be with someone you love or appreciate his/her company. Although in general it has a short-term effect, results may vary.

Anyways, I am not the kind of man who belittles the power of happiness. I am not the one who discourages people around me, I am in fact the opposite. At least I like to think that way. What drove me to write this in the first place was that if I had something that might affect me negatively, I write it down. What made me share it, was that even if any of you felt like that somehow, and I am sure you did, do not ignore it. Do not over-analyze it though. You just have to acknowledge the fact that reality can bite. But it is not posionous. It is in the end liveable.

Polarized over Kofta

This post was not written by me. It was written by Mohamed Magdy Fahmy, a friend and occasionally a brother. It is his thoughts and writing. I owe him that much. 

I’m pretty sure that most people reading this post have watched, read or at the very least heard about the great achievement that our military has accomplished (a cure for AIDS, HCV, Diabetes, Cancer and every virus known to humanity for that matter). Of course there were different reactions to this announcement; skepticism, sarcasm, outrage and some people bought it and believed it to be true.The reason for the controversy is mainly the way the “epic” discovery was presented “soba3 kofta”, “kan 3andak AIDS w ra7” and the mere fact that they stated that the device can cure anything.  But at this point we must ask ourselves a few important questions:  How come a very large segment of Egyptians (who are well educated) actually believed this garbage and even went all the way to defend it? Why did the military release such an absurd announcement that was full of scientific errors, misinformation and lack of any supporting evidence that a person like myself who has only studied Biology at high school was able to spot out easily?

Let’s analyze the people that are defending this device or at the very least believe it to be true, but let’s exclude illiterate people and people who suffer from any diseases that the so called doctors claimed can be cured by the device. I pity these people the most because they “want” to believe and currently their dreams are being manipulated. But what about the educated segment, there is an obvious polarization in stances. The educated people who are defending the device are needless to say pro-Military, pro-Sisi for President and as we recently discovered pro-any thing the military throws at us. These people refused to consider the whole issue from an analytical point of view and decided that the military knows all. The military is saying the truth and even if they weren’t “ya 3m msh moshkela” that was a quote by a person that I managed to convince that the whole thing was bogus after a few days of endless arguments. 

This ladies and gentlemen is a great sign of a Polarized Egypt in the making and it’s not about the Muslim Brotherhood vs. The Military. It’s going to be “You are either with us or against us” and being with us means that you will cheer, clap for and praise anything we do whatever it is even if it is “Treating AIDS by turning it into Kofta” and you will not under any circumstances question anything we do. Now consider this for a moment; if we had a polarization in opinions among the educated and elites in society on something as absurd as “C-Fast, I-Fast and Complete Cure” which was obviously complete garbage from the way it was presented not to mention all the scientific bullshit it had. What do you think will happen when the military officials or the regime decides to pass a controversial law, forge the elections...etc. 

We’ll have the same situation we have right now, people arguing with each other and that controversy is exactly what the regime aims for: Controversy; it’s the perfect solution, we already have an illiterate base that doesn’t question anything, all we need to do is to polarize the educated people and push them to argue with each other (balance out each other) and we’ll just keep running things the way we want. This theory has been put to test and has succeeded the fact that we had a controversy over “Soba3 Kofta AIDS” means they have succeeded. 

What we are witnessing now is a phenomenon known as “Perceptual Screen” and it is a very common phenomenon in US political behavior where the perceptual screen acts as glasses that a citizen wears that makes him look at any issue from the eyes of his party (in our case the military), this screen makes the person take in distorted and irrational positions, stances and decisions without any analysis or reviewing of facts. Sounds familiar? Today we have many people that support anything the military does under the argument  that they saved us, they know what’s best for us...etc. Although a lot of these people stood against the same issues in the time of the MB and “Bassem Youssef” is the most obvious example of that. This perceptual screen will inevitably lead to a disaster in any upcoming elections in the future and this time the damage will be beyond repair.

My advice is to stop arguing with these people, you need to let them find the truth on their own. Tell them to use the internet for something useful for a change, to look, explore and decide on their own. Arguing with them will only make them more extreme, more radical and more reliant on the perceptual screen. If we don’t help these people analyze in an unbiased way, then don’t come complaining about all the bad conditions we are suffering and how the revolution has failed. These people need to realize that, and you need to help them. 

On The Irony of National Security: The Case of Zeina Arafa

About two or three days ago, I was sitting on the couch watching "Al-Ashera Masa'an", a famous program that airs at 10 pm. Usually I do not watch the television, especially Egyptian talk-shows or programs, well for obvious, and for this particular post unimportant, reasons.

A prominent issue that took the stage was the case of a girl called Zeina Arafa, aged 5, raped and thrown off the 11th floor in Port Said. What mattered at the time was not the case itself because it occurred several months prior in November. It was the court's verdict that was given to the two animals who committed such atrocious act. 15 years for each. Each 15 years. 15 YEARS.

Granted, they both did not exceed the 18 years old mark to be fully indicted and eventually executed. All that because our esteemed government signed a certain international binding agreement that prevents us from dealing with the assailants of such acts to the limit of execution. They are, in other words, considered children in the eyes of the government.

Let me put it this way. Is that case not considered national security issue? Do we only consider riots and university protests as the only sources of national threat? Do we have to take to the streets to be called enemies of the state? In my book, I am afraid not.

What I sensed is that one's life in Egypt is too invaluable after what I have heard and seen. One cannot proclaim that he lives in a safe country if his own safety is endangered. National security is a bit broad for a simple man to understand. It deals with strategy, tactics and governance. Personal safety is when one feels that he can walk and roam the streets without fear of being robbed or molested.

So what I wanted to shed light on is, if two individuals, however their ages might be, can do such an ungodly act, get 15 years, while others get more than that for "threatening national security," it is in fact ironic.

The show host posed a pretty simple, and unmistakably viable, question. If those two boys walked out of prison before their time because of good conduct, say in 8 or 9 years, can this be considered time served in relevance to their crime?

I dare to say that when they heard the court's verdict, they were silently happy. In fact, they might have been prepared for this, given the aforementioned legislative laws.

What would make others in their age not perform such acts? "Hey, see that girl over there, let's go talk to her." "But we might get into prison." " It's only 15 years."

15 years is not short by the way for all you out there. But if we are to impose a proper civic society, we might as well be able to ensure the safety of Man, before the safety of society. We should be building the pyramid from down upwards, not vice versa. The problem in Egypt is not the recurring protests or violent clashes. It is not the biased media and weak institutional basis. The problem is within the person himself.




If I am not governed, I can do whatever I want. Simple as that.

On Conspiracy Theory: A Response To A Fellow Conspirator

This post will be mainly responding to a blog post written by a dear friend of mine Adam Woodard. If you would like to read his blogs please go to: http://politicmusing.blogspot.com/. The post can be found at the top of the blog.

Well I will not be as eloquent as my friend in his writing, but I hope my message would be conveyed properly.

First of all I agree with most of his post, as his argument is not stated until the latter part of the post (Particularly the last two paragraphs), on which I slightly disagree. He says that conspiracy theories provide an alternative version of a certain issue, so to speak. In other words, they sustain a number of answers without one being THE answer. But the question is, do we have to abide by one? Must we pertain to certain criteria for answering a question?

Conspiracy theories, like my friend said, address unquestioned areas of a certain issue. They do so because some people refuse to let particular facts, information, etc. out in public for a number of security, national or societal reasons. However, they who ignite those theories play on a very basic ground. A common denominator that appeases human beings' curiosity. What If?

Now what if is a very dangerous question in any shape or form. This simple question can raise civilizations or ruin them. Conspiracy theories are like that. They question the reliability of given sets of facts. It is a purely democratic way to address the credible essence of them. Take the JFK assassination issue for example. It is widely acknowledged as the 'Holy Grail' of conspiracy theories. Their Pandora's Box. We all agree that Kennedy was assassinated. But what if the government was in on it? What if it wants to hide something from the populace in fear of resentment or protest? That is what they essentially do.

Governments want their populace like sheep, blind sheep even. Until the fox comes along and eats them. Ironically, and that is the beauty of freedom of speech, no one stops or prevents those theories from coming into the picture. Partly because of democratic institutionalism, but mostly because fear of people's anger. A prominent conspiracy theory advocate is Jesse Ventura. He hosts a number of programs, one of which is called Conspiracy Theory. Let us say the government tries to arrest him for misleading the population. People will take to the streets in protest of such action, even if they do not agree with his opinions. They would do that simply out of respect for him for offering several outcomes and answers. Questioning everything.

Adam said in the last paragraph : ''but if the conspiracy theorists underwent the same scrutiny that the media does there'd be a lot less of them.'' I would go on to say that if the government respects its citizenry and provides reliable and credible sources, conspiracy theorists would not exist at all. In some parts of the world, and surely Adam would agree, if you say anything other than the government's perspective, you will be arrested, executed or exiled, let alone provide a conspiracy theory. He also states that they are called theories for a reason. He means that they are also questionable. But what if the information that the government provides are in essence mere theories? And what the actual theories are trying to do is to give us light and illumination? To think first, not to act. To hold plausibility and accountability.

This was by no means a counter-argument, because he would simply win. I have known him long enough to not to debate with him, let alone refute his writings. This was simply a continuation of his train of thought that, I would like to think, he might have cut on purpose. Maybe to raise a conspiracy theory??

ACT II: A Documentary named "The Square" (Final Act)

They began to think of hows and whys. How were they allowed entrance to a movie that is simply not there. And above all, a ticket for 200 Egyptian pounds. Understandingly, they were mentally ready to kick the usher's face, for a lot of apparent reasons. Again, the cinema hall is empty with no bystanders, moviegoers or even cinema personnel, which drove them even crazier. Only the usher, " Which we gave the money to," was in his designated place. They wanted to let him share a piece of their thoughts.


X: (As usual, with unpretentious, unwilling manner) Hey you, where is the goddamn movie we paid for?

The usher does not seem to be moving or even fluttering his eyes.

X: (He moves towards the usher's kiosk in a way to make eye contact with him) Am I not talking to you?  (He said with a forceful voice) All of a sudden you're deaf. Oh, I got it. You're only focused when there are 400 POUNDS SITTING ON THE COUNTER.

Y: (With calm) You are not letting him speak, you're just yelling and it won't help. (Turning his posture towards the usher) Is there some kind of mechanical failure, or is it just the guard playing a hoax on us?

The usher remains in his mental zone of unresponsive behavior. He only pointed towards something or someone behind their backs. A bit strange they thought and rude. They turned around, not out of fear which might be a factor in this weird cinema hall, but out of curiosity. Two tall men stood behind them in suits and ties. It was as if a scene from the movie "Men In Black". 

Y: (With unheard before sarcasm) What are you going to do? Neuralyze us? ( X and Y began to laugh hysterically)

Man In Black I:  (Conviction in his attitude) Please come with us.

X: Yeah and we are supposed to follow you with daffodils in our minds. (He turns to the usher) Give us back our money and let us get out of here.

Man In Black II: I think it is better for you both if you come with us.

Y: Or what?

MIB I and II start to slowly raise their guns from their holsters in a way to say "You better come with us or it will get nasty down here." At the same moment, a car just squealed its tires just outside the entrance, ready for its next pickup. X and Y knew that they had been entrapped. Either we go with them or get shot. As simple as that. Both of them headed inside the car and then the MIBs followed. The car then went on its way.

The car was big enough to have them all in it comfortably. But what drew their attention was that the MIBs began to dismantle what is apparently their "plastic made guns". 

Y: Of all people, why us? (Saying it to himself)

X: This is not the appropriate question my friend. The question is why did we pay 400 pounds for a lousy documentary? Oh, I forgot. There is none.

Y: Would you shut up already. I have had enough of it all. (He shifts his sight towards his abductors) May I ask why is this all? Obviously you are no government officials or even security personnel. Who are you?

MIB II: Always having this labelling problem. You have to categorize. For now, you can call us "Do Gooders"  Ordinary people.

X:  Yeah, ordinary people flashing guns at peaceful civilians. That's refreshing.

MIB I: The purpose of this all is to enlighten you. As you have been assured by our toy guns, we mean you no harm. They were just a method of force. A tool. And you were successfully fooled by their usage.

Y: Enlighten us? What are we to you? Children perhaps?

X: Wait wait, I get it. You are those guys who turn up and perform tricks and pranks on people on the street. Very elaborate, yet funny. Now get us the hell out of this car.

MIB I: We are not any kind of hoax makers or any of that nonsense.

MIB II: (Sounding more serious now) What do you think of the January Revolution that took place in 2011?

Y: (Giving in to the situation at hand at last) Well, I think it was meant to be. Had to be done even.

MIB II: And you? (Asking X)

X: I'm no political analyst or anything but I guess something had to be done for a change. Anything actually.

MIB I: And I suppose that, by logic, change has to occur with certain compromises. A give and take kind of situation.

X: Yeah so?..

MIB II: Do you know how many martyrs died in the revolution?

Both shook their heads without an answer.

MIB I: Do you know that up until now, nothing was achieved of the revolution's main objectives? The martyrs' names are voiced in every interview, newspaper and T.V. program and nothing was made for their families. A commodity to bargain with for elections and political leverage.

X: (Saying to his friend Y with ridicule) Go ahead Mr. "I know the Revolution". Respond to those questions. "I read everything about the revolution" (Mocking him)

Y: I never...

MIB II: Do you really think that reading about it would make you both experts on it? Is it some contest for you to get ahead in?

Y: Look, we lived abroad most of our lives, but we are Egyptians first and foremost.

MIB II: Yeah well that tells a lot about you both.

X: Meaning what?

MIB I: Well for starters you paid 200 pounds each for movie tickets.

X: How did you know about that?

MIB II: Because we own the place. We priced the tickets.

Y: But why this price? I mean we did not protest the charge in the first place, but come to think of it, it is a hefty price tag for a cinema ticket.

By the time he finished the sentence, the car slowly stopped. It seems we arrived to our destination,they thought. They lowered the window. They saw what felt like Tahrir Square. 

Y: Why did you bring us here?

MIB I: People say that to say something is totally different from doing it or living it. As much as you read, you will never know the truth. As much as you listen or hear, you will never be able to sustain any reliable source.

X: (Sarcasm) That's the whole point of it yeah.

Y: But why again the 200 pounds ticket?

MIB II: Just to make you feel, even for a second, what the martyrs did and sacrificed for their country.

MIB I: We brought you both here for you to know that media, books and newspapers are not the only medium of knowledge. We also do not claim knowledge of it all either. But opening CNN and reading about it does not make you an expert for that matter.

Y: Yes, you are right. But we could not possibly re-live it again. I mean the whole thing.

MIB I: That's true. That is why we will take the 400 pounds and donate it for an organisation that supports the injured in the revolution. To make you feel that it was worth it.

X: (With humility) Now I feel ashamed of myself.

MIB II: You should not be. You are an Egyptian after all.

X and Y shook hands with the MIBs and thanked them. They got out of the car and soon the car was unseen in the Cairo traffic.

Y: Tahrir square was never this beautiful in the television or on the internet.

X: (Sarcasm) Do you mean it was photo-shopped?

Y: No, silly. I mean it really is beautiful.

Both of them begin to think of the past three years and the conversation they just had with the "Do Gooders". Strange as it was, but it was greatly mind-opening. Then X leaned towards his friend, eyeballing him. 

X: You know what; we should have entered that Sylvester Stallone movie.

They began to laugh loudly.





For the first Act, please go to: http://yahiagweifel.blogspot.com/2014/01/an-imaginary-act.html

On The Changing Projection of One's Self

It must have been noticeable over the years that one cannot be the same person for so many long, even if he wants to inhabit the same ideals and thoughts that he grew up by.

Humans are in constant motion and change, and so are their personalities. However, it can be argued that one does not know of his changing status instantly. Nor will he be able to see himself as a different person from within. He would like to grab people's attention to accentuate his own self-esteem and self-image.

Better yet, he might be questioning change in a negative way, thus hoping for some constructive words to help his low self-confidence.

But what if those people whom he seeks for aid, are not what they seem? What if they are the cynical, unworthy type of humans?

For example, when someone who once was fit and thin. After years he started to gain weight for some reason and became fat and chubby. Would people perceive him as the same person he was several years ago? I think not. They would appear calm and supportive. Restrained and collected. Yet deep down they are eye-balling him. How did he gain all that weight? How did he become so ugly? I used to like this guy a lot. He was the best looking boy in college, now he is just an outcast.

Or a girl who was raped by a guy in an alley. Or a guy whose hair is receding or balding. Or a football player turned drug fiend.

The degradation of such behavior is definitely worth delving into. It is fascinating how human attitudes can shape themselves in reaction to external transformation, for better or worse. Let us say for example that I was badly treated in my childhood for whatever reasons. One day I attain a powerful position. The same people who mistreated me are in the front lines to beg for mercy, and of course for personal services.

It is amazing how people can change through change if you know what I mean. People are reactionary by nature in my opinion. They wait. They do not take initiative unless it is calculated and well-organized. They measure risks and consequences. If I can use you for my own want then I will. If you are not of personal benefit then what good are you? Friends are rare in this world. Everybody is looking after himself, even in families.

The unimaginative minds of people only see the material things in the human being, not his spirit. I used to have this kind of perception at times. If I dress right, I will be dealt with respect and admiration. If I just do not wear the right shoes, I will be blatantly attacked. All for what?

When will the time of mind over matter come again and precede over the impermanent?

I know as I am writing this that the same people who will read this post will think " Yes it is very harsh what the world has come to", are the same people I am talking about. Even I had those thoughts and I do not live in denial.

Regretfully speaking, nothing will progress in that aspect. It is a God given nature in us. Greed, Denial, Pity, Gossip.

Hopefully speaking, people who would read this post would realize that even though we are flawed, even though we made mistakes, we still strive for betterment and perseverance. That we own up to our mistakes.

That you who are reading this now say: "Yes I fall into this category of people"