Vision Through Blindness

I thought I could take a break from writing about dismissive thoughts and attitudes and start writing about more cheerful, hopeful ones. It was not the thought that drove me to write, I just needed a push in the right direction, and it was given to me by someone who knows the pathway of both roads.

The fact is I am more accurate and descriptive when it comes to writing about dark things. I seem to be feeding on darkness and abysmal matters. On the other hand, there seems to be a chaotic; and rather unobtrusive style of writing when I am happy. There seems to be no organisation, which is understandable given that my emotions are at an all-time high sometimes, so I kind of not try to specify my writings.

There has to be some kind of drive or force that directs me to be in either of those paths. The same kind of facets and situations happen to me every day, yet I tend to channel them differently most of the time. I do not see where I am going or where I came from. I happen to be a realist/hopeful type of person. In other words, I do not think about the future, yet I know the end of my current day; or at least have a certain vision of it. I find that neither pessimistic nor optimistic. I find that as ME with no labels. Living for and by the moment.

But why am I clinging to my dark side? Why am I defending its existence through and in me? Because it keeps me alive. It keeps my creativity in check. Because I have never experienced one day without it. It is an inseparable part of my being. I want it there throughout my journey. I want it to accompany me through my happiness and suffrage. Comfort and boredom. It has to be there with me. It sort of balances out the equation. The Yin and Yang type of thing. “Hello There”.

Maybe this kind of writing will not be manifesting itself in the coming days on paper. But I know this much; that in reality I will always be representing my smiling, open version of me. Come to think of it; is it some kind of hypocrisy to do so? Doing what you do not feel like doing? I think it is the complete opposite, because by that you will be spreading something more positive and instilling something more relatable to whomever meets or interacts with you. By that you do something maybe less recognizable than doing dark and twisted things. 

But at least you will be affecting each and every person individually, helping them to grow from the inside and realizing that it is okay to be weird. It is okay to be sick-minded, keeping your sanity intact within you. Such act has its own magnitude and grandiosity in itself. It is a self-proclamation. It is your re-birth. It is you and the anti-you. It is your nature.